The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
