I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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