Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
