Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
