I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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