and my herpes radar will keep us safe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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