you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
