why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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