Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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