I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
