I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
