So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
