Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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