And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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