PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
