Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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