eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
