Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
