Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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