I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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