Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
