Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
