HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
