So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
