Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
