You're completely useless in the revolution.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
