I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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