She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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