Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
