it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
