Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
