he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
