turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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