I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
