bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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