Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
its liver damage thursday
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