Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
