i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
