My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
