I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
