Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
