Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
