I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's always time for handjobs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
