It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
