wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
