i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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