when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
