True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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