So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
