I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
