She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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