I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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