Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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