he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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