How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
