I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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