I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
