So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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