nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
