ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
